nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
