My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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