I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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