Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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