you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
