Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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