That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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