watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
