She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
