"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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