apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
