his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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