So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
