is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
