great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
