i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
