med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
