Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
