I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
