Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
