im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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