its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
