I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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