never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
