I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
