Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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