i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
