there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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