I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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