ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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