Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
