wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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