So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
