Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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