The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
