I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
