you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
