You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
