All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
