I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
