I cannot find my penis.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
