My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
