Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
