your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
