i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
