Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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