All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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