Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
