you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
