Your face is a jimmy john
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
