why didn't you poke me back
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize