clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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