Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she told me i tasted like america
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
