Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
