I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
