i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
